In his 1978 novel, The Stand, Stephen King wrote, “If we don’t have each other, we go crazy with loneliness.” It’s a simple truth that helps explain why an estimated 80 million people (about 30% of the adult U.S. population) use dating apps or websites to find a partner.
And, whether you’re dipping a toe into online dating or growing a long-distance relationship, romance should feel safe, exciting, and genuine. Unfortunately, scammers have learned how to exploit the need for human connection—and they’re getting more creative.
How Romance Scams Work
Most romance scams (also called “sweetheart scams”) start on platforms where people connect, such as dating apps, Facebook, and online community groups like Meetup. Through these outlets, scammers create realistic-looking profiles with friendly photos and believable stories. Some cast a wide net in hopes of starting multiple conversations. Others target specific individuals with messages that mirror a person’s interests, values, or recent posts.
Once connected, the scammer’s goal is to build trust quickly. So, communication is frequent and intense, sometimes lasting weeks, months, or even years. During that time, messages are filled with compliments, shared dreams, and emotional vulnerability. Then, after establishing rapport, they’ll claim a crisis, such as medical bills, being stranded abroad, or sudden financial trouble.
The “money ask” can take many forms and often builds gradually—from gifts or gift cards, to help covering travel costs, and later to more involved requests such as banking assistance or wire transfers.
Once money changes hands, the scammer may abruptly vanish or remain in contact, continuing the relationship while gradually asking for more.
The “Unreported” Reality of Romance Scams
A romance scam may begin with low-key messages that gradually become more personal, shifting from friendly conversation to shared hopes and future plans. In other cases, scammers move quickly, introducing talk of marriage or family early on.
No matter the approach, scammers aim to build an emotional investment before introducing an unexpected “crisis.” They might claim they’re trying to get home to an ailing family member or say their wallet was stolen while traveling abroad. They may ask for help buying plane tickets so they can finally meet in person.
These stories sound real because they tap into our loneliness, hope, and need for connection. It’s human nature. So, when the truth comes out, the damage isn’t just financial. In fact, many romance scam victims describe the loss of the relationship as more upsetting than the financial loss. That emotional fallout, coupled with feelings of embarrassment, grief, or self-blame, can make people hesitant to report what happened.
Gen Z and Millennials: A Growing Target
Romance scams used to mainly hit older adults, but recent trends show a spike in younger people becoming targets, especially those in their 20s and early 30s. In part, this is because younger adults have grown up online and are more likely to use multiple dating platforms.
Life transitions tied to college or a new career also play a major role. When a 20-something dater moves to a new city, there’s often new physical and emotional distance from the people who know them best. There’s also less day-to-day reality-checking—a.k.a., no roommate overhearing a suspicious call and no parent casually asking follow-up questions. That gap can make it easier for a scammer to step in and provide attention, validation, and a sense of connection.
Scammers know this and tailor their stories accordingly, often posing as someone equally “in transition”—working abroad, traveling for a job, or building a flexible, aspirational lifestyle that feels relatable and exciting to someone just starting out on their own.
🚩 Romance + crypto = red flag: Among younger adults, romance scams are increasingly tied to cryptocurrency and online investment schemes rather than traditional payment requests.
Romance Scam Red Flags
If you’re looking for love, you don’t need to be paranoid, just curious and cautious. Ask questions, trust your instincts, and don’t be afraid to loop in a friend or family member for a second opinion, especially when emotions are running high. A fresh perspective can help you spot things that are easy to miss when you’re deeply invested.
Here are some common warning signs of romance scams:
- The person you are communicating with refuses to meet in person or always has a reason why plans fall through
- They avoid video calls or make excuses, such as a broken camera or poor connection
- The relationship moves very quickly toward intense emotions, declarations of love, or long-term plans
- They push to take the conversation off the app or platform early (to text, encrypted messaging, or private email)
- They ask for financial help, even for small amounts
- Their stories don’t add up or change slightly over time
- They discourage you from talking to others about the relationship or suggest “keeping it between us”
- They react defensively or emotionally when questioned, often shifting the blame or guilt back onto you
Protecting Yourself
Scammers prey on our desire to be valued and loved. So, before you send money or share sensitive info with a stranger, take a few steps to protect your heart (and your wallet).
Many scammers reuse pictures from the internet, so try a reverse image search on their profile photos. As you get to know someone, ask specific personal questions and keep track of their answers over time. Suggest a video call and pay close attention to their response. Inconsistent details and an unwillingness to speak on camera are both red flags.
Talk openly with friends and family about the relationship. An outside perspective can help you spot inconsistencies or warning signs that are easy to overlook when emotions are involved.
Never send money, gift cards, or cryptocurrency—no matter how urgent or convincing the story sounds. If someone you’ve never met in person asks for financial help, treat that request as a clear sign to step back and disengage.
Above all, trust your gut. If something feels off, it probably is. That feeling alone is reason enough to slow down or walk away.
What To Do If You Think You’ve Been Targeted
If you suspect a romance scam, stop communication immediately and report the profile to the dating site or app where you met. Whenever possible, document what happened by saving messages, screenshots, usernames, and dates.
If you’ve already sent money, contact your bank or card issuer right away. You should also report the scam to the Federal Trade Commission and your local law enforcement agency. Even if the money can’t be recovered, reporting helps authorities identify patterns, disrupt scam networks, and protect others from being targeted.
Romance scams are real and deeply upsetting, but love shouldn’t cost you your peace of mind or your savings. It’s an ever-evolving and emotionally manipulative crime, but, as with most scams, awareness is power. When you know the signs, you’ll be better equipped to protect yourself and the people you care about.